Meet the Inner Cave Woman!
I woke up this morning dripping from the waters of Da Nile. This just can't be happening to me. I didn't sign up for it, I don't want it, thank you. I don't have time for it and I have other things to do, better things. Like eat what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want. I want I want I want! But for now I have to deny myself. I hate this. I am angry! I want to throw rocks! I got to thinking about my Cave woman diet, depressed by my morning numbers. Cave Woman needs a name to pull me through this. I always loved the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. I loved the wise old woman and the birth of another wise, soon to be old woman in the change of life. I loved the passing of the torch through the jar of honey from the bee hunter or bee keeper or bee whisperer, I forgot what it was. I just remember the passing of the jar of honey and it was like the passing of the torch from one Goddess to another. So Cave Woman is Towanda. Why? The first time I powered up an aircraft and rotated off the ground that was the scream that I let out. I was free. Somehow, Towanda has to free me from the depths of Da Nile to a freedom that I know is there. I mean, after a hurricane you don't see squirrels, cats and dogs lying around dead, I have not yet seen anyone dead and it be from the diagnosis of diabetes, maybe from diabetes out of control but not just the diagnosis. So somehow I know that I can get through this and I know that I need the help of my inner Cave Woman....now known as Towanda.
So I have higher than I want numbers this morning and I am being good. Good to the point that my taste buds are changing and I am preferring the live foods, combinations of the right amounts of proteins to carbs to fiber to whatever....I can feel the difference and I like it. But I look at my numbers and I wonder, "Am I going to be able to do this with diet and exercise alone?" When I am on the road, some days, like travel days to Washington and Alaska, I bet I don't get in a thousand steps a day let alone have a way to exercise. and just for now, I want to forget the Cave Woman diet, forget the numbers and have a breakfast that I want. Like a rest stop or something. So I pull out of my freezer.....raisin bread.....in a plastic wrapper. Towanda tells me that it's in plastic, not available to her in her time. I defiantly read the label. Hmmmm.....sugar content is a little high....Towanda perches herself on the counter top and blocks the outlet as I pull the toaster out of the cabinet. I find another outlet and pop the (for now) taboo treat into the toaster, pour myself a cuppa coffee and step out on the deck to see what the birds sound like this morning. I come back and my toaster has betrayed me and joined the ranks of Towanda, Cave Woman, keeper of the common sense and it has burnt my toast. Now I really want to throw rocks! I pop in a couple more slices and my breakfast is complete. Yup, just a couple slices of toast, that's all I want. I am not big on breakfast in the first place and since diagnosis, I am diligent about eating it, and snacks, and and and. I used to be able to go till 3 in the afternoon before I put any nutrition into my body. I know this is not good. I don't get the sensation of "hungry" just like some people don't get the sensation of "full". The indicator just is not working. I tap on the glass and nothing. It's inop. A couple of times since I started the Cave Woman diet, I have been able to tell what time it is by the stirring in my stomach and I am intrigued by the sensation. And years back, when I went to Weight Watchers to loose a few pounds I did feel the sensation of hunger at meal times. Back then I ate more than I ever had and lost weight, and learned what it was like to feel the sensation of hunger and it amazed me.
So my hunger indicator is in the shop. In the meantime, Towanda and I have discussed that I can not handle eating an elephant all in one bite and diabetes is a massive elephant. It's Saturday, just toast, just once in a while is better than nothing, better than Dr. Pepper and one small step back...maybe not a step back but a standstill? Sure, I could make better choices, I can also choose not to. It takes time to grieve the loss of anything, I am grieving the loss of the life that I once knew, I admit, my habits weren't that great, I admit that I am liking some of the changes I am making but I also admit that I am still swimming in Da Nile. Shall we "Raise An" toast to the process?
It takes time to dry off from the waters of Da Nile. Cave Woman Towanda didn't have a towel back then either. Towanda will carry me through, she's one tough cookie.......mmmmmm cookies......... It's a good thing I don't have a towel to throw in once in a while!
About Me
- Doris
- Covington, Louisiana, United States
- I'm Just Jammin' in Louisiana. I fell in love with the place at the age of 8 on a road trip from Florida to Oklahoma by way of Hwy 90. It was overcast November day, like it usually is in Louisiana in November. The clouds were so low they touched the bare treetops and just enveloped the world like a blanket. There in that diner with the most memorable cheeseburger I have ever had, I fell deeply in love with Louisiana with no clue that it would become my destiny. I have been saying since 1997 that when I retire I want to have a bee and berry farm and make jams and jellies. I'm mildly allergic to bees so that's not going to happen. But here on my one acre with my 14 sided house underneath the trees I am etching out the berry farm, citrus farm and making jams and jellies. That's what you do when life hands you lemons, you make Jelly, Marmalade, and....well...lemoncello. I make jams and jellies from Louisiana grown fruit. Making Jam is a lot like life, nothing happens until it gets good and hot and madly bubbly. Life is messy like that.